You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
