Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
