Umm I'm too high to move.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
