eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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