i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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