nut hugger
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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