sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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