just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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