fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Randomize
