i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
