I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
