so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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