ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
