Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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