Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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