That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
