are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
