hell yes lets make some ravioli
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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