yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
