i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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