I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
