also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
