My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
