good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
