She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
