I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
