Christians are straight up FREAKS
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
