is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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