Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
