What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
