Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
