Having a random hookup so left but love u
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
