Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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