TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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