Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
