she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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