While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
