Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
