Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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