I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
