That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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