Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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