I just googled if crying burns calories
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
