if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think a kid would responsible me up
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
