well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
