Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
