I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
