There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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