tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
