He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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