I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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