how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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