Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
