69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
