Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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