I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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